I've been struck this week by the mythical bird that is this city's namesake, the Phoenix. The Phoenix spontaneously combusts as it dies and then rises again from it's own ashes as a new baby bird. The symbolism of this does not escape me for my own life as I have moved to Phoenix. In coming, I decided to die to myself. I left my comfortable, trustworthy, safe, friends and family-filled life in Fort Collins to come here, to the desert. I knew that it would be a form of death to me, to my flesh, to come here, but even being prepared for death it still takes you by surprise.
Don't get me wrong, things have gone amazingly! God has been faithful to welcome me to the church here and to get me a job. He has taken care of me at every turn. But it's still really really hard: The missing of home; the spiritual darkness that met me here; the immensity of the work here that God has sent me to do. My flesh is tested constantly here. And more lies than I'm used to bombard my brain daily and fending them off with the shield of faith takes more diligence than I'm used to. I delight that God has counted me worthy to refine and renew in such a way and that he is with me to strengthen me. And I'm excited to see what he will do with me.
This morning at church we sang the song "Burn for you," by Steele Crosswhite. This line struck me most deeply: "The offered lives of the weakest ones are known to change the world." Lord, I'm weak, but my life is offered to you. Use me and sharpen me however you see fit.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Feeling Kinda Crazy
Almost two months ago now, I felt like God clearly told me to quit my job. I had worked at RFY for almost five years. I was tired and cranky and sick 90% of the time. I felt bad because I still loved the kids I worked with and even the job itself at times, but I just couldn't go on with it anymore (for more reasons, see my first blog post). I felt God leading me onward.
So I quit my job. Without a plan. Without another job lined up. Which of course, by the world's standards, is mostly insane (especially considering the current job climate in the US). However, by prayer and counsel I knew I was supposed to leave. This verse clinched the deal:
"Thus says the Lord:
'The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness;
when Israel sought for rest,
the Lord appeared to him from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.'" ~ Jeremiah 31: 2-3
And so I began a new adventure trusting God. Then, about a week later, I went on a camping trip to Moab, UT. It was a reunion for all the people who were on the Boulder Church plant and their families; 16 adults and 14 kids. It was crazy and cold and, all said and done, fun. Anyway, while camping, I got to talking to Jen, the wife of Brandon, who recently moved to Phoenix to be a pastor for a church down there. It was kind of a church plant of sorts. (Brandon was also the guy who lead the Boulder church plant.) And while talking to Jen, I told her I was looking for new life direction, being unemployed and all. She suggested praying about moving to Arizona.
Well, long story short (I tried to write out the long version, but it was taking too long...), I spoke to some people, prayed a bunch and felt increasing peace in my heart when I considered moving to Phoenix. Vision for my life in AZ sprang up in my heart through conversation and prayer; a vision for healing both for others and myself. My life vision as a Christian has always been Isaiah 61:1-3:
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified."
In almost all my conversations about going to Phoenix, a stronger call, a hunger, a focused passion, expanded more and more in my heart. God made it very evident that he wants me to go to Phoenix.
So, here I am. Saturday I am selling most of my possessions, and two weeks from tomorrow I'm moving to Phoenix without my own perfect plan and without knowing what the future really holds. But I know who holds my future and I trust Him implicitly.
So I quit my job. Without a plan. Without another job lined up. Which of course, by the world's standards, is mostly insane (especially considering the current job climate in the US). However, by prayer and counsel I knew I was supposed to leave. This verse clinched the deal:
"Thus says the Lord:
'The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness;
when Israel sought for rest,
the Lord appeared to him from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.'" ~ Jeremiah 31: 2-3
And so I began a new adventure trusting God. Then, about a week later, I went on a camping trip to Moab, UT. It was a reunion for all the people who were on the Boulder Church plant and their families; 16 adults and 14 kids. It was crazy and cold and, all said and done, fun. Anyway, while camping, I got to talking to Jen, the wife of Brandon, who recently moved to Phoenix to be a pastor for a church down there. It was kind of a church plant of sorts. (Brandon was also the guy who lead the Boulder church plant.) And while talking to Jen, I told her I was looking for new life direction, being unemployed and all. She suggested praying about moving to Arizona.
Well, long story short (I tried to write out the long version, but it was taking too long...), I spoke to some people, prayed a bunch and felt increasing peace in my heart when I considered moving to Phoenix. Vision for my life in AZ sprang up in my heart through conversation and prayer; a vision for healing both for others and myself. My life vision as a Christian has always been Isaiah 61:1-3:
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified."
In almost all my conversations about going to Phoenix, a stronger call, a hunger, a focused passion, expanded more and more in my heart. God made it very evident that he wants me to go to Phoenix.
So, here I am. Saturday I am selling most of my possessions, and two weeks from tomorrow I'm moving to Phoenix without my own perfect plan and without knowing what the future really holds. But I know who holds my future and I trust Him implicitly.
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